Monday, February 28, 2005

Betrayal of the mind

Well, after a rather bad week I simply didn’t know what the weekend was going to be like. V suggested I made a plan. So I told her I’d go swimming to train for the next triathlon.

So Saturday morning I drove to the pool, swam for half an hour, jumped out of the pool, ran to the car to dump my swimming gear and took off running around the Esplanade. Felt like it turned out to be a good workout. I pushed myself pretty hard. I can’t wait to do that again. I’ll be training for the next triathlon in 2 weeks, and I want to do better than I did the last time.

I tried to fill in the rest of the weekend with a few mindless tasks – pruned the rose bushes, vacuumed the inside of the car, washed the outside of the car, and baked a dozen banana muffins. I sure was a busy little bee.

Yet still, being a busy little bee, I had time to reflect on the past week. On how my own mind betrayed me. I don’t really know what to make of it now. I feel disillusioned, the same way I used to feel when I was hospitalised in the past. I’ve avoided it this time – probably because I am learning to accept the fact that I needed help, and that I was able to ask for it before it was too late. Is this necessarily a good thing though? To admit defeat and stop trying to control everything on my own?

I don’t know. I’m tired. I don't want to think anymore. I just want to drift by and let things be. Concentrate on my training for the tri.

3 comments:

james said...

I think that it is a good thing that you know when to ask for help. At some point we have to just realize that we do not control much of anything in life and just float with the stream I guess.

xxan said...

"I've had enough of hospitals. I don't want to be in any one of them ever again."

100% the same here.

I have a hospital trauma. If I even think about it, I get extremely anxious. You read my post on hospital stays.

I'm SURE that if they'd ever ever put me in hospital again, I would go really crazy and revolting. They would have to DRAG me in and I would be screaming and shouting and it would be terrible. I think I would go into an eternal psychosis

And I'm NOT the screamy, revolting, crazy kind of girl.




About the shoelaces

Franikins said...

Asking for help is a positive, good, helpful, self-preserving thing. There is nothing wrong with it in my book.

Nobody can do everything alone. We all get by with a little help from our friends. Hmm, that's kind of catchy.

I think I'll write a song.

Dang, somebody already beat me to it.

I wish you much success in your next triathlon...success meaning that you enter and just do your best, whatever that is at that time.

Yep, it's me. I couldn't stay away. :P