It’s been such a struggle. Struggle to get up. Struggle to get through an hour. Struggle to get through another hour. Struggle to get through the day.
And even after having done all that, there are the hours ahead. The hours yet to come.
The uncertainties are off-setting me. And I have this irrational anger at C for having come into my apartment and stripping me of the only coping mechanism I’ve ever trusted. And worse yet, to have stripped me of that and to have abandoned me to my own resources.
I’m so torn between rage, shame and sadness. I’m so angry I don’t trust myself to be around other people. I’m so sad and ashamed, I’m terrified that if left alone, I will act impulsively one way or another. And yet I know that all it takes is self control.
My life, my choice.
Why does it feel so damn lonely?