It’s been so cold. The chill settles into my bones, and I’m shaking like a drug addict. Sitting here in some dark alley, hiding from a world that has shunned me.
I’ve been such a fool. Trying to find my place in this world, only to make people mad at me. I’m so sorry. I wish I had died. Maybe you could ask God for me. He doesn’t listen to me anymore and you’re closer to Him that I could ever be.
It’s been so cold, and all you ever do now is tell me to get my act together, as if I could wave a magic wand and the shattered pieces would recreate themselves into the monument you wanted to see.
On the phone, I catch you just before you leave again, and you tell me so many wonderful stories, telling me of things I can never be a part of, making me jealous, as if I wasn’t broken enough.
You even lie to me, telling me you tried to call me, when I sat by the phone all weekend, waiting for you to call. I’m just not in your thoughts anymore, no longer someone you give a moment of silence to. Why do you not love me anymore?
It’s been so cold my pelvis hurts. The aching of my bones making me walk with a limp, reminding me of my own deformity. So many sins – have you not forgiven me? How do I redeem myself?
I’ve chosen my path, and you, yours. There was a time when I thought you cared. But did you really? Or was it my desperation to see something that was never even there?
It’s hard to say good bye, to burn the bridge behind me. Because every time I look back, I want to see you there. And even if you aren’t, I want to leave you the choice. Even if you’re not coming, I want to pretend you are.
It’s been so cold – I keep looking at the warmth of your home, standing knee deep in snow, as if I could feel that fire in your soul. I keep standing there, and you don’t even see me shaking so hard, tears in my eyes forming into ice. I won’t knock on your door this time, because you won’t hear me, not with all the songs you are singing in there – it would drown me out. I may lie down in that cold dark alley that I call home and wait for you to find my frozen soul.