Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Walking on the dark side

Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
And hate, is suffering.
- Yoda

Fear paralyzes. As if I’m holding myself hostage until something breaks. How far can I go? When does desperation yield to rationale?

I don’t know anymore. It’s hard to see the big picture when an entire world has collapsed and nothing surrounds but the ruins of a one time dream. I didn’t think I dreamt anymore. I didn’t think I dared to anymore. Yet here I am, putting myself out there, walking on the clouds of hope and possibility. Again, the disillusionment is too much to bear. At times like this, I only think of dying of a broken heart. An inhumane way to die, but my destiny perhaps.

Not true.

I never believed in destiny. But has it come to claim me instead?


Anonymous said...

I hope these feelings pass ... I hope you will be okay. I hope you can find a safe place to hide out until this storm moves on.

What is the dream? Is it a person? You are hoping for something - it must be important to you.

About destiny:
There is no such thing as destiny when it comes to choices. Gravity is not a choice, so objects return to earth. Day is not a choice, neither is night, so tomorrow will follow today.

But every time you choose to perservere and keep fighting, you have changed your future. Even the smallest choice may turn out to have far-reaching consequences.

I am the biggest pessimist I know, but sometimes even I can believe things will be okay. You don't know the future, but at least you can choose how you will face that future.

Be good to you...

EJ said...

I've recently realized that fighting this disease is much like fighting an addiction....it seemed so cheesy at first...to follow their directions. I thought, this couldn't possibly work. But it does, no its no key to happiness, but it does help.

One day at time, One hour at a time, one minute at a time. Thats how we fight this. Its the only way we will have a tomorrow.