Cold dark days. I just want to hide away. Not speak, not be seen, perhaps not even to exist.
You don't know how much I wanted to reach out for the pills when they called me on Friday to tell me my case worker had broken her arm, and she'd be away for a month. A month! I know it wasn't rejection. Not of me, personally. But how else could I feel? How else do I know how to feel?
The days go by so quickly, and yet the seconds go by so slowly. I'm crawling on my hands and knees, as if I've forgotten how to walk.
I'm so afraid, in this isolation, that I would simply disappear, and no one would know... And yet to make a connection with this world seems to be beyond what I can do. I keep looking at people's faces, and they all turn away, as if I am a leper, full of disease and shame. How do I reach out to a world that promises nothing but pain and abandonment?