Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Hello darkness,...

Would have been so easy to lie down, close my eyes and drift away into that black hole…forever.
Would have been so easy when all hope was lost.
But I failed.
Yet again.
And all I see now, looking back, is a whole series of failures.
The story of my life.

There is a saying in Chinese – the life you save, you are responsible for.
Obviously it means nothing here. You save a life – and you abandon it, the way people give a life and never think twice about walking away from that life.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Polar,
I know your having a really tough time right now. Im really worried about you. I wish you could try and keep your mind on some more happier thoughts, thats what Ive been trying to do.
Im so glad to finally hear from you again. I know your very sad but at least I know your o.k, physically anyway.
I hope things get better for you real soon. My prayers are with you.
Hope you have a very Happy Fourth of July.

Please cheer up.

Billy

borderline savvy said...

Sometimes the things we label as good or bad, success or failure are neither. In my book, it was your karma not to die. Which means that you have some good to do in the world yet.

I don't know what to say about the Chinese saying. But I can relate to people giving life and not thinking twice about walking away from it. I was abandoned by my dad, and then for all practical purposes, by my mom. So I can definitely relate.

butterflies said...

Im glad you didnt die.

Ron_F said...

Choosing to continue living is never, ever a failure. You seem to be very strong, but your inner demons turn that strength against you. I hope you can find a way to reverse that.

I haven't read for a while, and I'm sorry you have felt so bad lately. Please do take care of yourself, and please don't be afraid to call out for help.

Manica said...

Polar Bear,

Why don't YOU live up to that Chinese proverb? You have saved your own life many times by choosing to still be with us, thank goodness. So therefore, you are responsible for the life that you saved.

Please tells us the situation that has launched you into this despair. I am really concerned for you.

The Mass Defective said...

I'm glad you're still with us Polar. I truly am. I know that life is hard, but please find a way to keep moving foward. Reach out for the help that's available.
Please take care of you, Please!

Polar Bear said...

Billy
Things are settling down for me this week. Thanks for your prayers.

Suzanne
I've heard that before - that it's just not my time. Sometimes I want to whack whoever it is up to, on the head.
Thanks for being there...

Butterflies
Hey thanks! Unfortunately you'll have to still put up with me!

FernCanyon
Thanks buddy.

Manica
You're right.
It's hard to explain... but I'll try my best.

Sid,
You have to hang in there too. Tough times ahead, unfortunately...

Polar Bear