Voices. Last night. And again tonight.... It's not a good sign.
Voices. Check. Paranoia? Check. I circled the block twice and doubled back this afternoon on my way to pick up my meds because I was sure there was this guy in a suit who was following me. And I was pretty sure this guy is not human.
It's dark now and my anxiety is increasing. I almost feel as if I can't catch my breath sometimes. I hate this.
Work - what can I say about work? I'm working harder than before, knowing time is running out. My new contract sat in my mailbox when I got home from work today. Yay, at least I have certainty till the end of this year. I should feel good, shouldn't I? So why the heaviness in my chest? Why the illogical fear?
C texted me today - said I'd been very quiet lately. I haven't seen her or called in over 2 weeks. She invited me to dinner on Sunday. That's a good thing, isn't it? And earlier this week - Mark emailed, asked me over for dinner on Friday, and to bring a DVD if I could. I suggested Robots and he said great.
And today - see, again, TODAY (is there a significance to today?) I got this call on my mobile (who's tapping my line?) - I got an interview next week for this company I've been desperately trying to join. This is good isn't it? Why does it feel as if my life is over?
I can't think properly. As if there are signals in the air that are corrupting my thoughts from conception. There is a constant flickering there in the back of my mind of different images, some horrific, some bloody, some neutral - are they memories? are they projections? are they hallucinations? I don't know. I don't know. But I want them to stop. Right. Now.