Outside, the grey winter gloom seems to have given way to bright blue skies amidst the brilliant rays of the sun. And yet inside, I feel as if the dark heavy clouds are only starting to gather. I don’t forecast any rain, but I feel like bursting at any given moment.
I feel as if weights have been attached to both my legs, and when I try to walk, I am dragging each feet on my knees.
I think there were times when I was younger, I would go out and commit random acts of madness. Just so I would feel something else. So I could release the pain inside, even if it meant I had to self destruct. I had no fear of consequences. I suffered the consequences like a badge of honour. Wore it on my chest like a marked psych inmate.
Now, all my energy seeps back into the ground, leaving me crawling through the mud and filth, like some wretched, dying animal.