Friday – I came close to quitting my job. The rational part of my brain would never allow this, of course. But I actually contemplated quitting, which really says something. Maybe a part of it was my unwillingness to accept this new guy, and maybe part of it was that I was feeling a bit down and so I felt really insecure about my position at work. There is unavoidable disruption to the equilibrium when someone new becomes a part of the “team”. There’s no running away from that. I just don’t quite “connect” with why it unsettled me so much. It just did.
The weekend came as a relief. A respite from all that anxiety and tension which seemed to originate with work and the work environment. On Saturday I went for an hour long run by the river again, an out-and-back route as usual. It’s time to get a new pair of running shoes, I believe. I’ve been getting huge blisters on both feet. My current Nikes are around 5 years old, and considering the high mileage it has logged in, I believe it’s way past its use-by date.
So many disappointments recently. Emotionally, I’ve been shutting down. Trying hard not to think because every thought is like a thorn in my flesh, and every time it makes itself known, it digs itself deeper, until I want to tear open the wounds and bleed myself dry.