Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Developments

One step after another. Decisions to be made. Nothing concrete and yet I must make choices.

Yesterday I went to another interview for yet another job. This is a permanent position. It went well. Too well, because I got a call in the afternoon, telling me I was their “preferred” candidate. They asked if I would accept the offer, before they went around calling my referees and starting the whole hire-process. I said yes, at this point. What was I supposed to say? I don’t believe in shutting doors because frankly, in my life, not a heck of a lot of doors open for me.

Soul searching all day, trying to reach people I can talk to about this, and yet no one is around. I feel so alone, so afraid about making that leap of faith.

It’s a permanent position, but it’s a job several levels below where I am right now. Besides taking a major pay cut, it’d be a job that could take a toll on me emotionally and mentally, for the simple reason that it involves answering problem calls all day. It’s not my strength, but something I can do if I have to. But will I?

The first offer still appeals to me. It’s exciting, stimulates my interest area, it will develop my skills further, it’s a next step up for me. It will give me more confidence, opportunity for growth. It involves some travel, exposure to experts in various areas. I will earn more than I ever have in my life.

But I’m not ambitious. Money is not such a big deal. It’s nice, but I would be happy with just enough to live by. I keep my life simple. No expensive gadgets and gizmos. No luxury items. Just necessities.

Still, this is such a hard decision.

10 comments:

Shannin said...

i have to say that it has been a little while since i have read your blog.....you seem so much more coherant in your writing than you used to....i think that says a lot about where we are mentally.... good luck with the job, but be careful if you think it might trigger you...it wouldn't be worth it.
take care!

JC said...

I say that you have to decide which job will allow you to be true to yourself. Which one makes you feel excited and happy? It worries me that you are already worried about the one job. I would say that if you are dealing with an illness one of your first goals should always be to get and stay well. Everything else should fall into place after that. So which would be best for you as far as stayiing well? Which has a more routine schedule? Which is going to be the least stressful? Which seems to have the more supportive environment?

The Mass Defective said...

Think about JC's questions, cuz she's right about your first priority needing to be you and your health. If you're already worried about this other job, I think that's just your gut instinct telling you to decline the offer. Take care of you!

Yuki said...

I agree with JC, too. Protect your health at all costs. You've worked so hard this past year and you deserve the best for your health, personally, etc. Congratulations! That's so great! Isn't it nice to know you're wanted two places?!!

James said...

I think it is great that you are taking a step forward and keeping your doors open. I also agree with everyone else though to be careful.

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
I am going to repeat post your own words...listen to what you say:

[re: 2nd job offer]
"It’s a permanent position, but it’s a job several levels below where I am right now. Besides taking a major pay cut, it’d be a job that could take a toll on me emotionally and mentally, for the simple reason that it involves answering problem calls all day. It’s not my strength, but something I can do if I have to."

"The first offer...appeals to me. It’s exciting, stimulates my interest area, it will develop my skills further, it’s a next step up for me. It will give me more confidence, opportunity for growth. It involves some travel, exposure to experts in various areas. I will earn more than I ever have in my life."

2nd offer: below level now, less$,take toll on you emotionally/mentally, problem calls not my strenght...do you want to HAVE to take those calls???

Sounds like this would be difficult for you to manage and be worse pay...is the only benefit the security?...if so it is not worth it...I had a total breakdown because I stayed working for a company I wanted to leave the day I started, but because I had huge student loan debt I stayed...I payed with my mental health. Not worth it.

You describe the other job as stimulating, exciting...hmmmm? I really think you know what will keep you happy and healthy (and stimulated;>) Good luck with your decision.

Geisha_Girl said...

If I've got this straight, the "security" of job offer #2 is that it's a permanent post -- whereas job offer #1 is a year's contract.

It's not for me to say as it's your decision, but I reckon the first job offer which is a 12 mth contract might be the better position seeing there isn't the "step down" factor or the need to handle an area of work which is likely to give you tax you.

In your shoes I'd probably take the 12 month contract on the basis that it would probably lead to other opportunities at the end of a year of work that you're more likely to enjoy, assuming job #1 is likely to enhance your skills.

Good luck whichever way you decide.

Jane

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Anonymous said...

Oh my God you are dull! You are right-- you're useless! There would be no sadness if you were dead.