Monday, November 14, 2005

Mindfulness

Some days just go by and I forget easily. Too easily. The bitter pain has become numbed in time. Standing outside in the cold chill wind, it’s become like a curse…

I missed group last week because I had a meeting scheduled. I did not schedule it. Work has to take priority. It’s the activity that pays the bills and keep me here, day after day, plodding on. Group is almost like an indulgence. But I should be learning the skills because they are life saving, apparently.

I try mindfulness practice early in the mornings, when I dare. Waking up on a work day is always so hard. Thoughts rushing in from all around, trying to fill the hole created by sleep…. sweet sleep. I try being mindful of only that present moment, and not on what I was going to dress myself in, what I was going to do for coffee, what time I would have to leave the house…. All those thoughts on a conveyor belt…. drifting pass and away, out of sight.

Sometimes it works. It settles the fears and the anxiety.

Just learning to be. Even when I don’t want to…

3 comments:

butterflies said...

I think youre learning really well.
Take care..

The Mass Defective said...

I always wondered what they meant by mindfulness because I haven't been thru that section of DBT yet. That does seem like it would be difficult to focus on, being in the present moment. If it works sometimes, that's great. At least that is progress. I'm proud of you for trying. Take care!

Galen Brannagh said...

Your strength is showing, even though it may feel like a defense mechanism than actual strength. You have to start somewhere. I am envious.