Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Quiet desperation

Group again today. Somehow I come out of these sessions feeling raw, as if someone has gone inside of me and stripped off my skin from the inside out, leaving me open and exposed.

So much of my emotions are stirred when other people put into words the kinds of feelings I struggle often with. I’m not really comforted by the fact that MY emotions can be put so easily into words. They seem to reveal too much. I want to yell at them to shut the hell up. I want to storm out and slam the door behind me, get into my car and hit the gas. I want to run and run and run some more until I leave them all far behind me.

Everybody has such sad stories, but I don’t want to hear it because I don’t want to cry for them. That feeling of sadness, I’d rather not touch at all because in truth, there is too much sadness out there, and if we indulge in it, it will only grow and grow until it squeezes all life out of us.

The group leaders try to bring people back to the core skills, in questioning how skills can be put into practice in such and such a context. But I keep focussing on the context, on the shock of hearing the kinds of situations people put themselves in… and the sadness of it all, in that our stories are so different, yet similar when you see it from another perspective…

Everything seems to ring with the quiet desperation in which we live our lives.

2 comments:

James said...

Ugh, I don't think I could EVER handle group therapy.

I did some of that when I was in the hospital and i HATED IT.

BipolarPrincess said...

I tried it once, I couldn't handle it. Everyone seemed crazier than I did. I prefer blogland, where everyone is a bit crazy and understands where I've been and can figure out where I'm going. Thank you for sharing.