Officially the first day of summer. The winds over the past few days have settled. The air is cool, and the sky is clear. It’s a great start for summer. The days are already longer and I am starting to think about doing a few triathlons this season. I’ve been running constantly even though the twinge in my left knee is making itself known more and more. I keep thinking it will go away by itself. Somehow. Magically.
DBT group ended yesterday for the year. We start again on a new module next year. Sounds so far away, but for me it’s a welcomed relief. The mindfulness module is over, and I wonder at my ability to be mindful in times of crisis. Practice is the key, apparently. We were each given a box to start us off on our “mindfulness kit”. A few key ideas were stuffed in there along with a candy cane and little chocolate treats wrapped in santa claus shaped foil. Such a thoughtful thing on the part of our group leaders. I’m beginning to think maybe they do care after all…
Not counting this week, it is three more weeks before the holiday shut down. I don’t have specific plans, but I’m looking forward to the time off work (around 12 days). But I also have reservations about the whole thing. I seem to get myself into trouble when there is little structure to my days. Granted, it’s been less and less of a pattern over the last few years since my job has been more or less “steady”. But still,… it feels like I harbour some kind of black creature deep within which has a capacity of rearing its ugly head suddenly and without warning. I can’t help but feel wary and afraid when faced with the idea of spending lots of time alone with it.
My sleep demon is still unquenchable. No matter how early I go to bed, getting up is still a struggle. I find myself battling dragons in my head. Funnily enough, this does not happen at such a great intensity on weekends. I find myself disturbed about the idea that work isn’t such a happy place for me. I have too many questions about the whys. But I don’t want to go into that right now.
A session with V this afternoon. I hope to find comfort there.