Monday, January 30, 2006

Notice of death

I used to trust you, until my secrets you gave away, and I watched you betray the trust of other people. I always covered for you, closed a blind eye because I wanted so desperately the love I knew you were capable of meting out.

For a long time since you gave my secrets away, I stayed away from you. Our relationship was slowly dying a cancerous death. Yet I held on. I still wanted the love you used to give to me. Even after it only became but a dream. I tried to make it work, but you stayed so far away from me. We were drifting apart, and I did nothing to rescue it. You have a life you live to the full, you never needed me the way I needed you. But I don’t need you anymore. The pain of betrayal, and the capacity you have of hurting me, I will no longer tolerate.

Today, you’re finally dead to me, and I know I will grieve for a long time.

6 comments:

Saima said...

Oh, I will cry with you beside the grave. Having heartache myself, too.

Anonymous said...

Polar your blog is so intense. Are you ok?......Angel.

sansanity said...

your timing is impeccable. i was thinking about rj today. it was like choking on the feelings because i couldn't find the words. but yours freed me and let me cry and grieve.

but letting go of old relationships and dreams of relationships allows us to open ourselves up for something wonderful right?

ECLIPSE said...

Hey Polar

Hope you're OK.

Resurrecting my journal half-heartedly in the midst of flipping out ... Purge had to be deleted as the "significant other" -- or was that the molester? -- thought fit to intrude while I was posting one night.

Deleted the journal as it wasn't written for his perusal.

Anyway, hope you're doing OK.

"Ms" Infinity

andre said...

The first person you should protect - is yourself

Anonymous said...

YOUR ALL CONFUSING ME MORE!....Polar are you ok?....Angel