Friday, January 20, 2006

The sessions

She smiles at me like no one has ever smiled at me before. It is a gentle smile, a warm smile, a soft smile. It is a smile that makes all the pain inside fade away, if only for a brief moment. It is a smile that makes me want to live another day, if only to see her smile at me again.

We spend an hour together, week after week. Sometimes I don’t know what we talk about. But I always leave as if I am walking on air. Sometimes I don’t know if what I say makes any sense, but it doesn’t really matter because at the very least, I am expressing myself… something I so rarely get to do in this life. At the very least, I am expressing myself, and a part of the pain I hold inside gets left behind. It is through her that the darkness is filtered out. She filters it out and in so doing, purifies my soul.

She is unlike anyone I have ever known in my life.

She tells me things, and I don’t always understand. But I feel safe, knowing that she has the Knowledge. She sits there and she listens.... which is more than I deserve. And yet she does. She sits there, and she listens, her eyes searching deep within me, as if looking for a fragment of precious material, something to show me who I am. She knows great things, and she tries to share them with me. I am so grateful, and yet uncomprehending at times.

She is unlike anyone I have ever known in my life....

She only has to smile, and I know I will stay alive for another day....


The Mass Defective said...

I'm glad she makes you feel so at ease. That's an important relationship and I'm glad it seems to be a good one for you.
Take care,

Anonymous said...

Wow, Polar...what a beautiful sentiment. For you to feel so safe and so cared for, she surely can feel it too. I miss that kind of relationship. I'm glad you have it.