Another day, another dollar. Another day closer to the weekend. I’ve recovered somewhat from jet lag/body clock screw up and from the disorienting feeling one gets when too much time has been spent travelling to strange new places and meeting new strange people. I’ve had it. I want to go home and hide from the world in a small dark corner for a few days.
Since my return, I’ve gone to group. It didn’t turn out well at all. I was so triggered at one point that I made the decision to leave during break. I simply snuck out, and truth be told, no one really noticed. Should I be surprised? No, not really. It’s like being back in school again, really. I was always the quiet one, the one nobody noticed or cared about. Well, I’m an adult now, and I don’t need to put myself through this crap again.
I told V about this, of course, yesterday. I was not surprised the group leaders hadn’t told her about it. We talked about it – and V still seems to think that group is good for me and that I should go back. There’s no gain if there is no pain, apparently. Well, fuck pain. I don’t need unnecessary pain. I don’t need more pain. I’ve got enough as it is.
What I didn’t tell V was that I went home after group and broke my phone in a fit of rage. It was really left over anger from group. That was all so unnecessary.
Still, I promised V I’d think about it. (About returning to group)