Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Going away

Hard to describe in detail the space I am currently in. There is some time ahead of me which I’m sure will be spent brooding. While it is nice to get away from work, a visit home has always filled me with a kind of fascinated dread and fear. And yet I know that at the end of it, I will return to my own life and attempt to find myself once more. I just hope I don’t lose too much of myself over the next 12-14 days. It’s so much harder when I get back.

There is some good news ahead. Nothing concrete, but something for me to chew on, something to embrace. Hope still lights the end of this tunnel.

9 comments:

ECLIPSE said...

Sometimes things aren't as bad as we anticipate them to be ... try to enjoy your holiday and make the most of the time out, Polar.

The first polar bear triplets born in captivity reminded me of you ... there's a cute pic if you want to view:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/03/0314_060314_polar_triplets.html

Ophelia said...

'Hope' sounds good... 'home' sounds ambiguous emotions.

borderlinesavvy said...

May you find strength you didn't know you had on your trip. I will be just an email away. And I am excited about your new hope that lies ahead of you.

butterflies said...

Thinking of you Polar:)

Yuki said...

I hope your trip home is okay. It must be difficult to go home and not know what it will be like. Yeah, sometimes parents can be hard to be around. I hope it doesn't reopen any wounds. Stay strong, Polar Bear!! The "mantra" I use when around my parents is "That's where they are and that's just the best they can do," and then I try to emotionally divorce myself from them. It can still be difficult but I have my own thoughts and my own voice that I try to reassure myself with. I hope that your voice is stronger than theirs when you go home!! You're great and your thoughts and feelings are so valid. You're doing well and getting better (I can tell by your blogs). And I totally encouarge you to keep going on that good path that you're on!

Anonymous said...

Brooding is common when we find ourselves alone and yet never seems to help yet seems unavoidable. Obssessing with our fears and problems. I guess this is why were not supposed to be alone so much, but it seems better than all the stress and strife of being around people.

Im glad youve recieved some good news. Ill see ya.

Billy

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The Mass Defective said...

I know it's tough for you to visit your family, you've mentioned that to me before. I hope everything has gone ok and that you make a safe return home.
Hugs,
Sid

Cinthia said...

I'm so happy to hear that good news are ahead. I'm looking forward to hearing about them. Take care of yourself, Polar Bear.

Warm hugs,
Cinthia