Monday, April 10, 2006

Stagnant

Sometimes the world seems so distant and strange. Hard to explain in words. I want to hide away for a while because the lights are too bright and the noises too loud.

“How do you feel right now?”
“OK”
“Can you describe how you feel in a word other than ‘ok’”?
“I feel…. Like I’m just going through the motions…. Like yesterday at work, I sat at my computer all day, and when I went home and thought about my day, it felt empty, like I was a husk, sitting at the computer all day doing nothing….”
“Like you were disconnected?”
“Yes, like I was disconnected…”

8 comments:

The Mass Defective said...

Sounds very familiar, been through that feeling lots of times. Just remember that it usually isn't permanent, it will pass. Try to keep yourself distracted.
Take care,
Sid

Dear Jane said...

my latest post describes that same feeling, only with me it is permanent and hasn't passed. It scares me that it never will. i hope yours passes quickly.

Joel said...

I'm with MD. I'd add a little more.

It's hard to know whether these episodes are due to the disease or to a larger sociological problem in which you are just one little example. Work estranges us from our lives in many ways, especially in this Age of the Computer when we compile reams of information that we don't ever get to put our hands around. Piles of money flow in which are never given to us as reward except in crapulous salaries. So when all these things become detached from us, we become detached and disassociated from our work and our leisure. We become lost.

You're not alone in this, as Dear Jane says. The sociological name for it is alienation. I think the feeling isn't entirely our disease.

Ophelia said...

Being disconnected may be the method of surviving. If you have something painful inside and yet need to do your work and live your life, it may be the only way. You connect the wires, and blow up.

sansanity said...

there are times when i'd rather be despairing and in tears just so i don't feel that emptiness. i'm not sure which i hate more, the depression or the emptiness.

butterflies said...

And every emotion is what makes us human.It cannot be always bright and happy,it cannot be all sad ...so sometimes we detatch like the others have said jus so that we dont have to FEEL...sometimes any emotion can be just too exhausting.
Hang in there sweetie.

ECLIPSE said...

Reckon that going about life is more often than not just going through the motions, the way you go through the motions when you're driving a car to get to a destination.

But I think there was once a time where I could handle the "suspension" of self going about the daily grind because I still felt connected to some part of my inner self and the grind seemed meaningful.

These days life for me tends to be feeling quite out of step and disconnected from everything, like driving aimlessly and not quite being *there*.

And it's like everybody out there makes sense of something I'll never get again.

Cinthia said...

If only there was a sure way to get connected again and stay connected ... I'm on and off.

Warm hugs,
Cinthia