Just watching the clock, like I have been for 7 hours now. Time is slipping by so agonizingly slowly. I want to go home and lie between the covers, shut my eyes, and pass over to that other side. Deep and black as it is, it is at least warm and sheltered from the raging storm of my emotions.
I remember how I cried last week, and how ashamed and foolish I had felt after. I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to feel that squeezing pain in my chest anymore. I’m done. I’m so done.
Group got cancelled this morning. It hit me like a slap in the face. Why? Why? I’ve always hated going to group. Listening to all that moaning and bitching, listening to tales of woe so like my own that I feel this irresistible urge to slap them all because I can’t acknowledge to myself how similar I am to them. At least every one of them is trying. At least they take responsibility for their reactions, their behaviour, as we have been taught to.
Where do I go from here?