Friday, July 14, 2006

In a pit

In a pit, dark as the abyss. Session with V yesterday. What the hell was that? Stumbling off in mid session, gotta take a break. I will be back, I said. In the restroom, crying, washing my face, drank a cup of water, went back to reception, and she was sitting there, to let me in. She can be so thoughtful, it hurts.

Don't run away, she says. I know you want to. I'm standing by the door, one hand on the door knob, ready to run. She's talking, and I don't know what of. I'm holding back the tears, holding my breath, clutching the pain in my chest, trying not to cry. I don't care, I say. But you do.

Don't run away. Sit back down. I don't want you to die. Why not? I care. Why do you care? My heart is breaking because I don't think anyone's ever said it to me the way she does. It doesn't matter why, she says. I just do.

More tears. I can't contain it anymore.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's a relief to let it all out. Hope you're feeling OK now.

Ophelia said...

I wish one day I could be able to say my therapist the same and to feel the same, that she cares and that it's enough. That no reasoning is necessary.

katinkab said...

it sounds like you have a good relationship with your therapist. i remember what that feels like. i am glad you have that kind of relationship with V.

butterflies said...

I care..I really do.

The Mass Defective said...

{{{{{Polar}}}}} I know I've probably said this before, but you're lucky to have V. She seems like a great therapist. She's not the only one that cares though, I care too.
Take care of you!!!!