If a tree falls over in the woods, and there is no one listening, does it make a sound? If the phone rings and rings, and I do not pick it up, do I exist?
I’ve been lost in a fog recently. I’m not sure if I was hiding, or if there was some other compelling reason for me to have wandered off the path. I have had too many fears. Too much of that surrounds my existence, my being. Therefore I feel a need to disappear. I once told V that I could disappear without a trace because a large part of my life is lived in isolation.
Recently when I purchased a property, the bank tried to sell me life insurance. I told them I have no need for it because I have no dependants. They said, what will you do if you died and you leave your debt behind? Who will take care of that? I said, buddy (well, I didn’t actually used the word Buddy, but it was along those lines), if I died, I couldn’t give a toss (again, I didn’t quite use those words, but it was along those lines).
So basically, if I died, end of story.
A lot of people say that when you are single, you become selfish. You live only for yourself, and every dollar you earn is spent on only yourself. When you are single and you have no children to support, you never really find out what unconditional love is all about.
I believe I am selfish to the very core. I’ve lived only for myself. And even though sometimes I fail to even live FOR myself, I am still here, and I know the depths of my own selfishness.