Monday, July 03, 2006

Sometimes all you get is a busy signal

If a tree falls over in the woods, and there is no one listening, does it make a sound? If the phone rings and rings, and I do not pick it up, do I exist?

I’ve been lost in a fog recently. I’m not sure if I was hiding, or if there was some other compelling reason for me to have wandered off the path. I have had too many fears. Too much of that surrounds my existence, my being. Therefore I feel a need to disappear. I once told V that I could disappear without a trace because a large part of my life is lived in isolation.

Recently when I purchased a property, the bank tried to sell me life insurance. I told them I have no need for it because I have no dependants. They said, what will you do if you died and you leave your debt behind? Who will take care of that? I said, buddy (well, I didn’t actually used the word Buddy, but it was along those lines), if I died, I couldn’t give a toss (again, I didn’t quite use those words, but it was along those lines).

So basically, if I died, end of story.

A lot of people say that when you are single, you become selfish. You live only for yourself, and every dollar you earn is spent on only yourself. When you are single and you have no children to support, you never really find out what unconditional love is all about.

I believe I am selfish to the very core. I’ve lived only for myself. And even though sometimes I fail to even live FOR myself, I am still here, and I know the depths of my own selfishness.

4 comments:

butterflies said...

I quite often dont answer the ph.Its my choice as it is yours.I dont agree that you have to have children to learn to love unconditionally either.Lots of times kids can split up a relationship!I see nothing wrong with living alone or protecting yourself...and I agree,if you die,the house mortgage is not your problem:) heh

ECLIPSE said...

The mortgage is a secured debt and the mortgagor is bound to recover the advance because they don't lend without well and truly covering themselves in the first place, so there's no need to feel selfish for not taking out insurance.

I do understand what you mean about living selfishly, but that's just the way it is when you're on your own with nobody else to consider. A lot of ppl in society are isolated ... not many of us belong to a close-knit, cooperative family system. Even though independence has its advantages, it's a fairly rough existence, I think.

The Mass Defective said...

For some reason I find it amusing they said 'what if you die and you leave your debt behind'. When you're dead, does it matter if you have any debt? I never really understood that. They can't make someone else responsible for your debts unless they already shared responsibility in the first place.

I don't think being single has anything to do with being selfish. I know more people that are married and have kids that are far more selfish than the single people I know. Plus if living for yourself is selfish, then why is it that all the professionals tell me that I need to make myself priority #1 in my life?

Take care,
Sid

James said...

I understand the selfish accusation. People accuse my wife and I for being selfish for not having kids but they fail to realize that I am doing the world and any unborn children a favor by not bring them into this and my world.