Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Don't scream....yet


(Scream, by Polar Bear. My version of Munch’s infamous painting)

I was sent home from work on Monday for spreading my germs. Didn’t bother coming in on Tuesday. I’m back on board, better now, on the road to recovery. The two days I had off was good. I needed that time and space, not just to recover physically, but emotionally and mentally. The most frustrating thing though, was the fact that I couldn’t put on my running shoes and go running. I’m hoping I’ll be well enough to do that by the weekend. I did manage to do a few paintings, which was nice.

DBT group is winding down. Somehow, that makes me feel sad. V had to talk me into joining the group in the first place, and now, now, I don’t want it to end. Perhaps it’s got more to do with my fear of abandonment again. I don’t know. I just know that no matter how hard it is for me to get there, it’s something to do, some place to get to where it feels as though I am understood. I don’t say anything most of the time, yet that’s how I feel. Strange, I know. Maybe it doesn’t have to do with what I say (because I don’t say anything), maybe it’s just that everything we are taught in group relates to skills that I need to cope with the world. It addresses the issues we face, and it helps us all deal better with the feelings and thoughts we have.

I still don’t feel ready to graduate though.

September will be a busy month for me. I’ll be attending a conference in Melbourne in a couple of weeks, and then presenting a paper at another conference in Wellington later on in the month.

One step at a time, I guess.

3 comments:

The Mass Defective said...

My mind is twisting your painting and giving the illusioin the guy is about to pull his head off..think I like yours more than the original. Glad to hear you're getting better.

Is there another DBT group starting up that you can join? Or maybe another type of group like an art expression one? I'd check into it. Sometimes we need that scheduled activity, something steady in an often rocky life with borderline.

Take care,
Sid

Suzanne said...

It's interesting to read that you got on OK with DBT, it's not been offered to me as part of my psych programme thank god, as I always thought I'd hate it with a vengeance!

James said...

I LOVE THE PAINTING!!! Well done. Would really like to see more of your work. :)

I hope you can find another group.