Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Whispers in my head

Conversations in my head. Going around and around. It doesn’t matter. Yes it does. No it doesn’t. Yes it does. And on it goes. I’m tired. I just want to rest. What’s the matter with you anyway?

Sometimes it’s just a disease. You manage the disease. Sometimes it manages you. And on and on it goes.

What does death feel like? A constant flat line. No breath, no heartbeat. It would seem so peaceful, that other place. People die everyday and I feel bad. People who are loved, people who make such significant contributions. I feel so bad I don’t even want to read the newspaper anymore. Death and sorrow everywhere. Why am I taking up space? Why am I wandering blind in this landscape of despair and rage?

It would seem so peaceful, that other place. No voices, no fear, no sound, no rage. Nothing. Just pure nothingness.

1 comment:

Yuki said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog! It never ceases to amaze me how kind and thoughtful you are when you are going through such a difficult time. You have a great ability to empathize and care for others.

Death is permanent...forever...a decision that can't be taken back. What you are feeling is temporary...fleeting...will vanish. I'm not saying it won't come back at times, but it will go away. You are an amazing, worthwhile, incredibly artistic and wonderful person with a lot of strength!! That's you!!! You're amazing!! I hope that the whispers in your head will tell you that you're worth so much!! It's true...you are amazing!! I hope this disease gets crushed and destroyed so you can be free of all this misery. You are precious!