Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Broken brain

They told me it might be a brain seizure while I was in hospital several weeks ago. No one said anything further to me about that, making me suspect that that might have been just another part of my hallucinations. Everything was so watery deep – it was too difficult to figure out what was real and what I imagined. But yesterday I received an appointment to attend an outpatient clinic (next week) to get the EEG test done. And a tiny piece of that memory kinda fell back into place.

I’m not an expert in EEG or anything, but I believe they have a long shot in proving any abnormalities. Or maybe not. Maybe they will finally tell me there is a tumour in there somewhere short circuiting my brain all this time. That would be such a relief, I think, to know that it’s not my fault.


butterflies said...

Oh sweetie! Its not your fault whatever is wrong! Would you feel guilty if you broke your arm or your leg? NO!
Its not your fault you have an illness..Im praying for you and I hope that the docs will find an explanation for the problems you have.
Love ya

The Mass Defective said...

While I hope it isn't a tumor, I can't help but relate to the feeling of wanting it to be something tangible, something that can be seen, proven.

I don't know anything about EEG's. Keep us posted as to what the results are.


James said...

I too sometimes think I have a brain tumor...oh wish I had one.

One thing that has really helped me get through tough moments is to breath deeply a couple of times and remind myself that this is impermanent.

This will change, this will pass...they have too. Change is inevitable and therefore sometimes our greatest friend. :)

Hang in there as best you can. One breath at a time. :)

marie said...

I am waiting to take the all powerful brain scan myself. I am chicken shit because I am scared as hell of what it may reveal.

sansanity said...

hey! having a brain tumor is my obsessive compulsive thought. get your own!

my pdoc has a theory that some mental illness is actually se3izures in the part of the brain that control moods, which is why many mood stabilizers are also epilpesy meds too.

there is a dr. on th eweb who believes that with brain scans he can tangibly see differences in tehbrains of his patients with mental illnesses. I don't think his brain scan is an EEG, but anyway there seemed to be a lot of debate as to whether this showed anything or just ruled out other things. some people believe he is a quack. but as another person reviewinghis info said "they said that aout everyone who made a discovery that was against the current common knowledge"