Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Unanswered prayers

Down on my knees praying, praying for something, something I know nothing about. Lying here with my guts hanging out, praying for release, for freedom from this torture. Betrayal is such a strong word and yet I use it like a knife wielding maniac intent on homicide.

Rawness of intense emotion. Have I ever felt let down by you and yet worship your every step. Every contact with you is like a disembowelment. You open me up, expose my insides and walk away. You walk away, leaving me here with everything hanging out, bleeding, wounded, crying. Do you still care? Do you still care?

8 comments:

The Mass Defective said...

Sounds like me after spending time with my ex...disemboweled. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Not sure who you're referring to here, but if you need someone to talk to about it, you know how to reach me. Not sure if I'll have any advice that will be helpful, but I'm always willing to listen.

Hugs,
Sid

marie said...

Sounds like how I am feeling lately. Sometimes when I spend time with certain members of my family I feel homicidal. Every day I wonder when is this crap going to end?

XOXO

Yuki said...

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a crappy time. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so betrayed. It must be such a difficult time that you are going through. You sound like you feel so alone and discouraged. I think that's all I can say...I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I will stand with you during this time. I will pray for you.

broke said...

I know what you're describing here, I think, and I can only offer you my heartfelt good wishes, and hope that you can find strength from somewhere or better from someone. I have just gone through soemthing not dissimilar to what you describe, and although I felt close to suicide often, now that the worst has passed I have again seen the possibility of hope. I wish this for you too. Where you are requires great courage to endure, and I know from reading your blog that you have that. You will come through,
Take care
broke x

James said...

May sunshine fall upon your troubled soul and may your prayers be answered.

May the pain make you stronger and able to rise above any future pain.

Sending you all my love, support and peaceful energy.

butterflies said...

Sometimes we need to be broken,in order to be made whole again.
In the pain,we learn.
You will come through this and will be a much stronger person.
Praying for you sweetie.

Girasola said...

I want to thank you for opening up like this. It is so comforting to hear your own thoughts in someone else's mind, so good to know you are not the only one. Thank you for being so brave. I try but can't, I keep hiding myself behind symbols, metaphors and empty words.
I love your blog, I will keep reading you.
Gracias por ser como yo.

Anonymous said...

I do the praying stuff when I feel I'm on the verge of losing the plot -- and I'm not even religious, so what's with that? Maybe the last resort.

Sorry things are so emotionally overwhelming for you. The storm will pass.