I return, trying to find traces of you. My mind lingering on the edge of that dark precipice. Will you catch me if I fall?
I search for evidence of what once was, trying too hard to imagine the past we shared. Do I even have a right to venture into territories unknown?
I sit here, my tears in suspension. I cannot shed a tear and yet the sobs echo within me. Such gut-wrenching sobs from the depths of hell. It shocks me. The level of pain and agony. It is almost impossible for someone to live through this.
Last night I had an unexpected visitor. We talked around our issues. She showed me Job in the bible – when Job wished he had never been conceived, never been born. It’s not about dying….dying indicates disloyalty to God. It’s pain that should never have been conceived. A tiny fragment of cell being allowed to be nurtured and nourished. It should never have happened. I was never meant to be.