Thursday, February 01, 2007

Losing grip

Outside, the trees are swaying in the breeze. It is overcast. Grey clouds hang above. I feel empty and listless.

I want to put on my running shoes and get out there running. I want to keep running to the ends of this earth and jump off. I don't know who or what is chasing me, but I know if it catches me, I am as good as dead. Yet I know the unhappiness will catch up eventually. It is a matter of time. It is all a matter of time.

Today the tears are back again. The emptiness inside is gaping. I'm trying hard to reach out, but there is nothing there. There is nothing there because this is the way I have built my life. This was the course of action I started for myself a long time ago.

So maybe I'll just keep running. Maybe someday I will realise I am just running on a treadmill and everything that has ever chased me and nipped at my heels were my own delusions.

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