Sunday, March 25, 2007

Intensive Care Unit

I am staring at you across a deep abyss.

There is nothing down there but the deepest deep and the darkest dark.

I feel the relentless pull of gravity towards the gaping chasm.

If I fall, I know I will die.

7 comments:

sadgirl said...

dear Polar

Sorry not to have replied earlier due to being ill. I have been thinking of you. Look polar the tragedy of depression is suicide. Depression can be overcome. Its hard but it can be done. I am sure you feel like hell. I was once severely depressed and suicidal. But now I am SO GLAD I DIDN'T do it.However this is not a lecture. People can help you. Do you have a psychiatric nurse? or someone you can see regularly? How about your local commun ity mental health people. If ever there was one you are in crisis and must get in touch with them. Something which helped me was a book called AReason to Live by Melody Beattie. Its available from amazon.co.uk second hand. Remember Polar there must be people in your life who need you. You are unique and special and touch more lives than you know. Make sure you have the local numbers for suicide crisis. Give yourself some time to reach out for help.

Thinking of you very much Hang on.

Very best wishes
sadgirl xxx

Stephen Atwood said...

Polar-bear man-

You posted a comment on mine. I was genuinely surprised that anyone was capable at what could only look like an incessant stream of teenage angst. I guess it's what they say, it takes one to know one. That's probably why you don't roll your eyes quite as much.

So, of course, I checked this place out. Only briefly (not much time nowadays). I recognize your words as my own sometimes.

At any rate, I'd say something supportive or useful, but...

...I'll just leave that to more qualified individuals.

butterflies said...

We have a friend staying here who is 33 and has been severley depressed,suicidal and manic.He was going to burn his wifes house down! he goes from anger/rage to depression and self loathing..But hes now on meds that are working and its a joy for me to hear him whistling while hes pottering around mowing my lawns and helping out.
I know that there has to be an answer,mediaclly for you..keep going to treatment until you find it! You have been so depressed and its so hard! I want to hear you whistle and sing while you walk up another mountain..you CAN do it!

pjbrubak said...

There's a quote by Winston Churchill that I'm quite fond of:

"When you're going through hell...KEEP GOING."

That's my advice for you know. Why rush death? It'll get eventually. I was both sorry and glad to hear of your hospitalization. Sorry, because you're going through a hard time; Glad, because you're getting the help you need.

Sucks about the coma scale, I don't know anything about that.

At least you're well enough to blog. For that I am thankful!

Take care,
pjbrubak

disso_k said...

Hey Polar ... hope you are hanging in there.

Eclipse said...

Hey Polar ... sorry things got so overwhelming for you. I've had times where I've felt I could snap and go over the edge but I'm not sure what keeps me from doing that. Guess it's because the intent isn't in place before the desperation (which always passes) sets in ... there's no stockpile of anything here. Not sure if looking at that angle can make a difference to you.

Hope the feeling of alienation lifts and hope you pull through OK.

:)

James said...

I don't want this to sound preachy but I really think that meditation can help you a lot. And I don't mean adopting Buddhism to do it. Just plain meditation.

Concentrating upon your breath to breath through touch moments.

It has been so very helpful for me to deal with such over-whelming emotions that come with the illness.

You're not going to fall because we won't let go. There are so many out here who love, support and care about you.