Thursday, July 12, 2007

Letting go

When I got home, I was shaking. I don't know if it was the cold, or if it was because of my broken heart.

People let you down. I'd known that, and yet... and yet I have pretended that they didn't. The hurt and anger in my heart? That's all my own goddamn fault.

Tears keep flowing, I can't seem to stop. My heart keeps beating in my chest, and I can feel the devastation left behind by the tornado. My heart is just a jumble of broken things. It hurts deeply. I don't want it to beat anymore. I just want some peace. Is that too much to ask for?

Outside, it is a cold and bleak winter's day, a perfect reflection of my soul.

No one knows what it's like
to be the bad man
to be the sad man...
No one knows what it's like, to be hated,
to be fated to telling only lies

No one knows what it's like
to feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you

No one bites back as hard
on their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

(Words in italics by The Who - "Behind blue eyes")


Marie said...

It seems you are suffering from a classic case of anxiety.

I too am in denial that others have betrayed me or let me down. Maybe I should tell them all to piss off and have a nice day!

I hope this passes soon.

nadcesca said...

Oh my sweet PB, I'm sending hugs, kisses and strength. Hope you are calm and not so anxious anymore.

sadgirl said...

Oh poor PB

You may be sad, but I will never believe you are bad. yes you are suffering. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from the pain? Some uplifting music, an upbeat dvd, a healthy tasty meal? You need to find ways of being kind to yourself. If the weather isn't too bad how about a run as I recall you like that. Ofcourse you might now be too ill but you could plan some runs? I hope the crying is cathartic. Cuddle yourself up in a big duvet and feel comforted. I am thinking of you very much and wishing your pain away.

all the best
love and hugs
sad xxx

MB said...


Sorry you're feeling bad hun...and sorry someone has let you down.

I used to think people were only good at using me; but these last few months has resulted in me ditching those who have been using me. One thing I have learnt, is that not everyone is like that.

Take care hun

KansasSunflower said...

I love that sad, though. Maybe this isn't a good time to be listening to music right now? I've been trying to stay away from it myself. As my counselor once told me, which she didn't need to "NO COUNTRY MUSIC!" :-)

I hope you are taking extra special care of yourself, Polar Bear!!! (hugs and squeezes!)