It was a rough week last week and things didn't improve over the weekend. I feel as though I am sitting on the edge of a deep chasm, contemplating my next move. Should I jump? Or do I stay here with the turmoil in my head?
Every issue is tinged with a bleakness and a desolation I have not known in a long time. The betrayal gnaws at me relentlessly even though I know I am the one to blame.
There are truly black moments, moments that seem to come in crashing waves where I feel as if I am drowning and gasping for breath and all the flailing about is not getting me anywhere, only pulled deeper and deeper into the thickening water. There is no escape. I hold my breath for as long as I can and I try not to think about death.
I'm scared. I'm really really scared.