I get the feeling that there are things in your past which you are unable to talk about which come back and haunt you.
I was sick last week. Only a head cold, which didn't progress to anything more than that. I went skiing on Friday. Starting out, I thought I'd forgotten how to ski. The rope tow on the beginner slope really sucked - I don't have much upper body strength, and I really struggled to pull myself up. So I abandoned the beginner slope and headed down the intermediate "blue" trails. And discovered I wasn't such a "beginner" skier after all. I reached heady speeds and didn't once fall over. It would have been so much fun if it hadn't been so bloody cold on the chair lift ride back up the mountain.