Tuesday, April 08, 2008

A drop of nothingness

So hard to move when all I want to do is withdraw into the safety of my cocoon. I spent much of the weekend in my own self imposed prison. Hiding.

I feel as though I can't breathe. I can't breathe because I am nothing more than a shadow of my being. I am an imprint of what used to be. Left behind, an image of my imagination.

I can't breathe because I'm not real, there's nothing tangible to mark this life, this unliving human carcass. My thoughts evaporate unnoticed into the air, like silence on a dark moonless night. Voiceless, I cannot call out to you.

Heedless, I know you can't see me either.

4 comments:

Aqua said...

...but I can see you. I can hear your beautiful voice in your poetic, open, honest and heartfelt writings. In those I hear and see a someone with whom I feel a connection to. I envision the beautiful person you are, and it saddens me to see you struggle so much.

My first thought when I read that you could not breathe, was to suggest you go for a run; something that requires you having to breathe.

I realize the breathing is a metaphor, but maybe a tangible experience like running, something you enjoy and do so well, will help break down that symbolic suffocation.
Take care,
...aqua

James said...

Sometimes when I feel this way I listen to some music and just let it revive my spirit. Hang in there sweetie.

Zathyn Priest said...

I can totally empathise with this sensation of not being real and just existing. You've offered me a lot of wise words and comfort - hopefully you know I, and others who read your Blog regularly, are thinking of you.

Jackal said...

Powerful. I can realte.