Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Secrets of secrets

She makes me want to tell her things. There are a great many things I still have left to tell. Secrets. Secrets of secrets, of yet more secrets. Truths. Truths hidden deep in the depths of my personal hell hole. Things I buried because of superstition and fear. Things that grew, despite my efforts in killing them. Things that sprouted beneath my feet as I stomped over them. Things that reached out and grabbed my ankles so that I fell over, time and time again.

She's taken me to the verge of the precipice, to the very edge. She tells me, "you don't have to jump, but if you want to, I'll be there to catch you".

So I began my story, and I've told her everything. At least everything that I remember, everything that I know and believe to be true. I have stumbled over the interpretations, but I've put it out there, the best I can.

She makes me want to tell her things. Even the secrets. Even the secrets of secrets. Even the superstitions. The fear. And if I don't know how to express it, she's seen it in my eyes. And she knows. And she understands. And she doesn't judge me. And she thanks me. She thanks me. Because she knows how hard it is, without me ever having to tell her.

7 comments:

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

I'm so glad that you have someone to talk to whom you trust. I'm very happy for you. :)

butterflies said...

How wonderful.

Aqua said...

She sounds so much like my pdoc...and if so, you are so very lucky to have someone like her to share your secrets with. I am glad for you.
...aqua

Wandering Coyote said...

Hi there,

Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for the comment. I'll add your blog to my feedreader so I can stay up to date.

Your writing is beautiful and haunting...

Zathyn Priest said...

What a beautiful post and so poetically written. I too am very glad you can speak with her and know you won't be judged. She must be very special to have gained your trust like she has.

Best Wishes,
Zathyn

sansanity said...

sometimes i wonder if that type of empathy & compassion is something someone must have within or if they can be trained to have some of it. If if it the latter then V should teach a class, if it is the first then let the screening begin.

Polar Bear said...

Handsome b. wonderful
Thanks, Handsome :)

Butterflies
Yes. Hope you are keeping well over in the USA.

aqua
Yes, she does sound like your pdoc. We are lucky to have therapists like the ones we have. I've read quite a few blogs where people aren't so lucky to get the right person for them.

Coyote
Thanks for stopping by.

Zathyn
She is special.

Sansanity,
I think it's a bit of both. I think maybe it's the therapists who have both - the natural internal empathy and training, that makes them the truly outstanding therapists that they are.

I'm sure there are also plenty of therapists out there who may not have the internal disposition, but are trained to at least APPEAR empathetic. perhaps these ones don't connect with some clients so much.

I think V is naturally caring and I think her skills are further enhanced by the training that she has receieved.