Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Go directly to jail, do not pass Go

I was so busy at work yesterday that I didn't have my cellphone with me and so missed her call. She left a message to say she is sick and so would not be able to see me today. She said she'd call again later to make sure I got the message.

Driving home from work I had that feeling.... that I'd missed something, it was like a slow stain spreading from my chest outwards towards the tips of my fingers, a heaviness I couldn't quite place. I checked my phone for the first time and there had been 4 missed calls. Well, she tried... But I let the anger surge, hiding the true disappointment inside.

The countdown begins again. One more week. How do I get through it?, my brain screams at me.

I couldn't eat when I got home. I couldn't watch TV. Stuff I look forward to at the end of everyday. But yesterday wasn't everyday. My mind was unable to focus. The storm overtook me, tossed me up and over and around like unrelenting waves. I was seasick and all I wanted to do was die. How much more of this can I take?

3 comments:

Clueless said...

All I can say is that I know this place and it feels terrible and I don't know how I will manage, but eventually sometimes minute by minute I do. Perhaps, it would help to leave a message on her answering machine, so you don't keep it all to yourself.

Aqua said...

I understand how hard it is to get through the week, just get through until you can see your pdoc/therapist. Strange Dr. X is sick this week too and I really, really need to see him.

We can get through this week Polar Bear...we will.
Hugs,
...aqua

Suzanne said...

She really does care - 4 calls means she wanted to talk to you and she didn't give up! You will get through. xx