I had one of those crying dreams this morning. When I awoke, the tears were just drying on my face even as the last vestiges of the dream was fading away.
I've now spent over half my life away from "home" (where I grew up) and away from my mother in separate countries... and yet her power over me has not dissipated. In my dreams, her stony silences and screaming fits still tears my heart apart. But those were her weapons then. They were destructive weapons of unbelievable magnitude, and she wielded them with such resentment, such hatred. And it reaches beyond the past - into my nighttime dreams, to cause the crushing of my soul once more.
In my waking life I've built a wall between us. It protected me back then, and now, it has become my fortress, and now, I use silence as MY weapon.
What does she want from me? I want nothing from her now. Nothing.