Friday, June 27, 2008

Think of me

Think of me
think of me fondly,

It's only the start of Friday. I'm drinking my fourth cup of coffee,... or is it the fifth? It doesn't matter. There'll be more...

Remember me
once in a while -

please promise me
you'll try.

My heart aches and my tears are barely suppressed. I want to tell my boss I am sick and leave. But I know I won't. Because I know that if I do this once, I'll do it again, and again, and again. I'll retreat and hide, and no one would ever see me again.

if you
ever find
a moment,

spare a thought
for me

I took a Zopiclone last night, so I'm struggling a bit today. I hadn't needed it, but I took it anyway because I couldn't be with myself anymore. I wanted the lights to dim and curtains to come down. Now I'm paying for it, of course. But it was worth it.

but if
you can still
stop and think
of me...

If I had anything stronger I'd take it and sleep the weekend away. I would indulge in that unknowing blackness of a drug induced sleep. I would sleep and sleep. I would sleep hard so that I didn't cry,... couldn't cry.

Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and

And everywhere the world would simply continue. It'll go around and around. You'll breathe, and live and see your family everyday. There'll be cuddles and love and warmth. While I breathe in the toxic fumes of hate and rage, while alone I burned from the fire of hell.

Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind

Everyday hurts. Every breath hurts. I try and I try and I come around the same old things.

there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you...

I run, and I scream, and I rage, and I curse, and I lash out...

Think of me,
please say you'll
think of me

But in the end, I'm me, I'm only me. You have no idea...

There will never
be a day when I
don't think of you...

(Words in italics are from "Think of Me", Phantom of the Opera, Andrew Lloyd Webber)

1 comment:

Aqua said...

I do think of you...and I am thinking of you. You can get through this. I know it.