Wednesday, August 27, 2008


The phone doesn’t ring. It just sits there, mocking me. I ache inside, deep down, my soul aches with a longing. Just one phone call – what would it mean to you? Nothing, nothing at all. Yet it would mean everything to me. It would enable me to breathe again. It would take the weight off my chest. It would give me freedom, freedom to live once more.

Because right now, I’m not living at all.

Right now I’m dead. I’m dead inside, just waiting for my resurrection. Wanting it, yet despising it.

Please set me free.


jsprik said...

as i sit here at my computer i am wondering if i should even "put this out there". i need to get this of my chest in hopes that it might keep me from repeating a habit i have had for a long time. i haven't felt the "urge" to do this this strongly in a long time. i want to cut. i want it badly!! i want to feel the pain. i want to see the sweet red stain. i want to feel the soft warm trickle. i want to feel the light headed giddy feeling of euphoria, its almost like having wings. the rush of adrenaline, the thought that if i slip it could all end here and now. there is nothing like it. i am told it is wrong to feel this way, but my mind tells me it is ok. my mind tells me that if i just give in and do it, everything will be better. the headache will go away, the thoughts will stop tormenting me, there will be sweet peace. quietness. the pain i feel with the swipe of the blade will cover the pain i feel in my heart. it will silence the thoughts that swarm in my head. everything will be better.

susan said...

(((((((((({POLAR BEAR)))))))))

I hope your phone rings soon. I understand what you are saying. This feeling really sucks.

Take care .

Silvis said...

Well there is no doubt that suffering creates an authentic art as I see when I read your thoughts....

Salute .

No-one saw
The pain you see
So on the cliff we hang
Wailing eternally

The mirror we needed :
Warm heart of silvers
Has gone

And our voice is the voice
Of old history razors

Speaking cut child
Past flesh into bone..


Aqua said...

abracadabra...."You are free"!!!!

I wish so much that I could magically set you free. Learning freedom is a long and difficult process, but I believe you are headed in the direction of freedom. A happier life kind of freedom.

Anonymous Drifter said...

I deeply wish for your phone to ring. Please hang in there.

Raspberry said...

(((((((polar bear))))))

I hope the phone rings for you soon and brings you peace xXx

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Hi Polar Bear

Am not sure (having dumb moment here) whether you want the phone to ring metaphorically or you would actually like somebody to ring you.

If you could do with a phone call, I would be happy to ring you but appreciate that you only know me from my blog and trust plays a part in open communications.

However, I would be more than willing to listen to you. Whatever you would wish to say.