Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Take a left at Pain and right at Numb

Sometimes just a word. Sometimes just a phone call. Sometimes just a thought. All enough to send my world whirling, into chaos, into pain, into rage, into the abyss. Such power you have over me.

I've gone past pain and hurt. The numbness that is slowly seeping in is welcomed. I can let myself go, and I will simply fall. And I will fall deep, tumbling into such depths that you would never know. I'd take up residence in the abyss with all the crawling creatures that haunt such places.

The numbness is good. It is like a safe warm blanket in this hostile world where all the disgusting creatures lurk.

The numbness is good. It is suffocating, cutting off my air so that it feels like drowning. And if I'm drowning, I'm already half way to hell.

It's good. It's all good.


susan said...

OOH Polar Bear.

Comfortably Numb.

Been there,, done that, long for it again.

Take care of yourself my friend.

jsprik said...

yes , the pain is gone...the tears have dried...the dull ache of remembrance has faded...peace...
still...quiet...nothing...aahhh sweet nothing...no more hurt...

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
I remember when my Mom died I went completely numb for the first year afterwards. I now see that that protected me....it was almost like a hibernation (do Polar Bears hibernate? Don't think so)...a hibernation that allowed me to heal so slowly without so much pain.

I often go numb (dissociative/depersonalized) when I am extremely stressed. I believe it is a protective device. Know I am thinking of you.

PatientGuard said...

I've only come here to give you the sweet of my Logo...I think its edible ....Shareable really ...Have an eye suck .....Yes I agree you are BPD ...A brave and wild sort though with your own path and star ..