Monday, September 29, 2008

Just visiting

I drove 2 hours (each way) to see her. I hate hospitals - I am the kind of person who would make any old excuse to avoid visiting someone or going into a hospital. I hate to even drive past hospitals. All the sickness emanating from those buildings, as if the air around it is infectious and poisonous. I refuse to watch hospital dramas like ER, or Gray's. I will switch channels when they advertise TV medical dramas.

But I heard she was seriously ill. And I know her well - I'd go as far as to say we were friends, even though there had been a tension between us ever since one very minor incident. Still, I would go out of my way to help her, perhaps waiting for a sign from her that she wanted to spend more time with me, or if she even liked me.

So I heard she was seriously ill. I had hoped they caught it early, which would mean excellent chance of a full recovery. But...

Stage 4 cancer. Malignant. Tumours had spread.

My heart sank. I sat there for a long time, watching helplessly as she struggled to breathe, as she struggled with the pain. I wanted to ask so many questions, but I didn't. I wanted to help, but felt inadequate. After a couple of hours, I left, feeling shaken and sad.

If a person can beat something like this with sheer determination, then I know she will be OK. But if it is a matter of numbers and statistics, it doesn't look good.

6 comments:

Wandering Coyote said...

So sorry to hear about this PB. I hate hospitals, too, and I think feeling inadequate is natural in your position - it's human. Take care.

Sara said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. Wishing them the best. I'm glad that you went though...even though it was uncomfortable for you.

Aqua said...

PB:
I too cannot stand the smell of hospital. I agree it smells infectious. I am really sorry your friend is so ill. I am certain your visit helped her, if even in a small way. It was good you went for the visit. My heart goes out to her and to you.
...hugs,
...aqua

butterflies said...

Life is all about doing things we dont want to do.Your friend doesnt want cancer anymore than you want to visit her.But it needed to be done.Now you have no reason for regrets afterwards.
Somehow it brings life into perspective seeing ppl in worse situations than us.
Good on you for going! I know your friend appreciated it greatly:)
Hugs babe

susan said...

Polar Bear,

It's hard visiting hospitals, but your friend is lucky to have you as a friend.

I love what you said in your last paragraph. YOur friend sounds like she is made of strong stuff, and with determination, and good friends, I hope she can beat the odds.
Take care Polar Bear.

Polar Bear said...

Thanks, everyone.

She has surgery yesterday and texted me to say that it had gone OK, but she's tired and is resting.