Friday, October 24, 2008

Modern day Oliver

It was incredibly hard to say, but she wanted me to. It sounded weak, pathetic even. I could barely get the words out. It stung, like acid being poured onto my chest.

I tried so hard not to cry. I told her I wasn't going to. She said, "why not?". She looked around and said, "There are 2 boxes of tissues in the room". That made me crack a smile. I even attempted to laugh in part of my effort not to cry. It came out like a harsh bark - the sound a dog might make when whatever it was chasing got away.

So I said it. I finally revealed a secret hidden so deep within my soul that even hearing it with my own ears was somewhat astonishing. And it came tainted with too much shame and guilt, I felt embarresed. After all, I reason, what right do I have to ask for something like that? And superstitiously, I ask myself what would the universe do to me now that I have asked for more, like an Oliver Twist?

4 comments:

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
What a great post. Opening up, at the risk of embarassing ourselves, or relaying a deepling disturbing secret is a huge step towards leaving that secret behind. Out in the open a secret cannot hide and losses some of its power and its hold over us. Congratulations for being so brave.

Karen said...

i know that feeling. well done for asking. thank you for being so honest with your blog

butterflies said...

Hey! if you dont ask,you dont get!
Thats how I was raised.
What you put out into the universe is what you get back.Go for it.
Have a good week.

Raspberry said...

Well done hunni - that took alot of guts

Peace and love

Rasp xXx