It was incredibly hard to say, but she wanted me to. It sounded weak, pathetic even. I could barely get the words out. It stung, like acid being poured onto my chest.
I tried so hard not to cry. I told her I wasn't going to. She said, "why not?". She looked around and said, "There are 2 boxes of tissues in the room". That made me crack a smile. I even attempted to laugh in part of my effort not to cry. It came out like a harsh bark - the sound a dog might make when whatever it was chasing got away.
So I said it. I finally revealed a secret hidden so deep within my soul that even hearing it with my own ears was somewhat astonishing. And it came tainted with too much shame and guilt, I felt embarresed. After all, I reason, what right do I have to ask for something like that? And superstitiously, I ask myself what would the universe do to me now that I have asked for more, like an Oliver Twist?