Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The origin


When I was about 5 years old, I was given a creamy stuffed teddy bear. It was one of those old style teddy bears - short arms and legs, big ears - in other words, oddly proportioned. Out of the 3 other teddy bears I had at the time (Father Bear, Mother Bear and Baby Bear), this one was my favourite. I believe my brother named it Polar Bear because it was "white" (it was more of a creamy colour actually).

My childhood wasn't much of a childhood. There were a lot of tears. I was blamed and shamed in just about everything I did. If it had nothing to do with me, it was the constant fighting between my parents. My only comfort at the time was my Polar Bear. I remember whispering into his ears, telling him about the pain in my heart. He soaked up much of my tears. He would whisper back to me "It's OK, you'll be OK, I'm here".

Over time, his eyes fell out, and I would glue it back. His nose disintegrated until half of it remaining had to be sewed back on. And he lost his mouth (it was a red velvety thing). There were rips in his body, rips across its arms where it joined his body. These were lovingly sewn/stitched.

But I loved him all the same. I feel as if he got me through those rough years, that he had listened to me and offered me the comfort I needed. As I grew older, polar bears always remained very special in my heart. I have no fear of them even though I know they would rip a human being apart and eat them if they were hungry. But I love them to bits. Inside, I am still the child who was protected by a polar bear. Inside, I imagine that polar bears would always protect me from the blows of this world.

10 comments:

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Thank-you so much for sharing this tender story with us. I'm honored and want you to know that I did the same thing with my bear, which sounds very similar to yours. Down to this part:

Over time, his eyes fell out, and I would glue it back. His nose disintegrated until half of it remaining had to be sewed back on. And he lost his mouth (it was a red velvety thing). There were rips in his body, rips across its arms where it joined his body.

I use to surround my body with all my stuffed animals at night thinking it would protect me from the bad stuff. Especially the arguing amongst my parents and sister I heard nearly every night.

Rylah/Jacqui said...

That's beautiful Polar, and I feel honoured that you shared it with us. Strangely, the teddy that gave me the most comfort was one I was given when I was 17... Sleeping with any stuffed animal really soothes me, still to this day. I have a tiny soft kitten with really silky fur that fits in the palm of my hand... it's a great one for travelling with, she's beautiful.
It feels to me like Polar Bear would definitely be your totem animal... not sure if you believe in those things, but maybe it's worth reading about. :)
Thankyou again.

Border Life said...

lovely and moving...

Anonymous Drifter said...

This was very touching. When I was young I had a chipmunk named Charlie that I cherished. He saw me through a lot of rough times.

Lola Snow said...

Oh Polar Bear this is so sweet but so sad. Thank you for sharing it.

{{Hugs}}

Lola x

Raspberry said...

Wow, so bittersweet -
thank you!

Peace and love

Rasp xXx

Seaneen said...

Just a heads up hat I'm adding you to my blogroll. x

susan said...

I love this.

Crazy Nurse said...

Question is, do you still have polar bear? I had a zippy from rainbow that went everywhere with me for years xXx

Tamara (TC) said...

It is wonderful to know why you chose the name Polar Bear. I had a stuffed monkey when I was a kid that I loved to pieces. At some point, I threw away almost all of my childhood toys in an effort to erase the painful memories. I have since purchased a new stuffed monkey that is as close to the one I had as I could find. And, I love the little guy.