Friday, November 21, 2008

Second to last

It took me a while to get it out, but she poked, and prodded, and gently guided me back on track when I deliberately wandered off.

I told her it was hard for me to imagine we still had a connection when she was going to be away for such a long time. I told her how scared I am that she would never come back. I got it out there, even though it was embaressing - I felt like a frantic toddler whose parent was leaving the room and she was going to find herself all alone and terrified in the dark.

But she didn't ridicule me. She didn't make me feel small and pathetic, even though I FELT pathetic. Infact, she came up with several ideas which made me feel a whole lot better.

She said she'd give me a photo of her, and she'd write me a note, outlining our appointment in the new year when she got back. She wanted me to think about taking something from her office to remind me of our relationship.

Something shifted in my brain then. I think those things would really ease the pain of our separation.

How good is that?


Wandering Coyote said...

She sounds so very kind, PB. I'm glad you have her.

Disillusioned said...

Glad for you that she is so good.
I can vouch for the helpfulness of having something from T's office to keep with you. It really helps me.

Anonymous said...

That's great, Polar. I think it will help too. I like photos too as they help me remember, otherwise my mind just blurs everything together, including what people look like (even if I've been seeing them years!) so it makes it scary and frustrating. Photos are somehow really grounding.
Keep up the good work :)

Anonymous said...

Having something of hers to look after will be really good. Each time you look at it, you can remember that she is coming back so you can pick up where you left off.

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of PB, you are relying on someone for support, and it's going to be a challenge to cope with that absence for a little while. But she'll be back. Keep yourself busy, and think how much you will have to tell her when she gets back!

Lola xxxx

Anonymous Drifter said...

This is the type of therapist I would hope to get.

Aqua said...

Wow...That is really good. V sounds so kind. It also sounds like she truly cares for you and your well being. (Which I knew all along;>). It is so great to hear how precious you are to her.

Dano MacNamarrah said...

My therapist is a Cognitive Behavioralist, one of the first students of Dr. Aaron Beck. She leaves once a year or so.

Often, I am glad. You see, she pushes me and challenges my sick mind. When she is away, I can swim in the dark pools of my mind, unchallenged.

Trust me, when I say that your doctor thinks of you. That much is clear, by the careful preparation set up to lessen your loss.

Remember, we are all here for you.

Border Life said...

I am so happy for you right now. Those are some great ideas! Seems like she really thinks of you. Take something from the office :-) ...not only as a reminder of the relationship, but as a reminder that you will see her again to give the item back. Your feelings make perfect sense to me, I'm so glad you shared them and were able to work out some strategies with her! Good going! This put a big smile on my face. It's very inspirational. Thank you.