This is the last full week of work for the year. I should be soaring with the last burst of energy, the kind of energy you get when you see the finish line just ahead and you push past the pain knowing it will all soon be over.
Instead I am languishing at the back of the pack, plodding along, losing steam with every step, losing heart and losing mind (slightly).
I'm not completely shirking my responsibilities, but everything I do seems to be gap fillers, well short of my best. My anxiety and agitation revolves around waiting... though waiting for what, I don't really know. Perhaps it's merely the method of making it past the next minute, and then the next hour.
I still have V's photo smiling at me. I can still feel that sense of connectedness when I look closely into her eyes, but each day it gets further and further away, as if I am drifting into the vastness of the sea and every time I look back, the edges become more faded and blurry, and I worry that in time, even her smile will fade, her face will fade and I won't remember anymore.