Thursday, February 19, 2009

The cell

The door clangs shut behind me and I find myself once more in that dreaded airless chamber. The walls close in on me as I sit on the cold stone bench, struggling to keep the tide of panic at bay. My fears suffocate me and there is a twinge in my chest which is only an indication of more pain to come.

Then, I'm already floating away, and I see HER hunched over on the bench, as if her spirit had lifted up alongside me, she is as empty as a husk. I ache for her as I see her lift her hand to her head, tightly gripping a gun. In a moment, I am blinded by a sheer white light, blinded from the inside out until my entire world is filled with nothing but a light so intense that I know for certainty that I will never see shapes or colours or tones ever again. The swirling whiteness throws me into a space bereft of all senses, bereft of all happiness, of all comforts.

Is this what death is like?

2 comments:

Hannah said...

very powerful imagery, chilling.

Hann xx

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
What you describe is very similar to my description of when I switch into a state of depersonalization or dissociation, or what I call "entering my bubble".

When either happen I feel like suddenly a huge plastic bubble surrounds me and blocks out all the sensory stimuli. Except when it is depersonalization (vs. dissociation) I can see things as though I am outside my body.

I have often wondered if that was similar to your sould leaving your body too. It is such a scary experience. I'm thinking of you. I know fro me if I address my anxiety it helps this feeling pass.
Thinking of you and wrapping you with the warm white light of lovingkindness.
hugs,
...aqua