Thursday, February 19, 2009

The cell

The door clangs shut behind me and I find myself once more in that dreaded airless chamber. The walls close in on me as I sit on the cold stone bench, struggling to keep the tide of panic at bay. My fears suffocate me and there is a twinge in my chest which is only an indication of more pain to come.

Then, I'm already floating away, and I see HER hunched over on the bench, as if her spirit had lifted up alongside me, she is as empty as a husk. I ache for her as I see her lift her hand to her head, tightly gripping a gun. In a moment, I am blinded by a sheer white light, blinded from the inside out until my entire world is filled with nothing but a light so intense that I know for certainty that I will never see shapes or colours or tones ever again. The swirling whiteness throws me into a space bereft of all senses, bereft of all happiness, of all comforts.

Is this what death is like?


Hannah said...

very powerful imagery, chilling.

Hann xx

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
What you describe is very similar to my description of when I switch into a state of depersonalization or dissociation, or what I call "entering my bubble".

When either happen I feel like suddenly a huge plastic bubble surrounds me and blocks out all the sensory stimuli. Except when it is depersonalization (vs. dissociation) I can see things as though I am outside my body.

I have often wondered if that was similar to your sould leaving your body too. It is such a scary experience. I'm thinking of you. I know fro me if I address my anxiety it helps this feeling pass.
Thinking of you and wrapping you with the warm white light of lovingkindness.