Friday, March 06, 2009

The funny farm

This past week has been a blur of actions and reactions and pieces of vague memories. I've been in hospital again aka The Funny Farm.

In a nutshell, this is what happened - I lost it, got myself certified and locked down in the locked down unit for a few days while they drugged me further out of my mind. Though the effects of the drugs suited my captors fine, as I became docile and less agitated.

My manager was amazing. She visited twice. Unfortunately the drugs had relaxed me so much that I spilt a lot of beans. Nothing devastating like I stole company secrets and sold it to the highest bidder or anything like that. Just simple truths about me and my relationship with my mother. Where did this come from you might be thinking? Well, two weeks ago my parents told me they were coming to visit me in April. I don't know if this triggered this breakdown, but I'm pretty sure V will think that it has at least partly to do with it.

V visited me too, while I was in there. I don't remember what we talked about. Maybe she'll tell me when I see her this afternoon.

I was discharged yesterday and I'm still off work today and will go back on Monday.

This whole episode was brief - as most of my episodes tend to be. But being locked down 24 hours in a small unit with 7-8 other psychotics feels like eternity. Actually, I think the unit can take up to 9 or 10 patients, but while I was there, there were only 5 of us with 3 nurses looking after us. I was the only female patient.

The TV was in a locked cabinet so no one except the nurses could change the channel. Which was annoying. Mostly the nurses dictated which channel we watched. Although there was one nurse by the name of Mun, who was really nice - he asked us what we wanted to watch. He said the TV was there for the patients, not for him. So I did catch bits of Lost that evening, but couldn't really follow everything because sharing a tiny space with 4 other unwell people was just too distracting.

I drank too much coffee. It was something to do. I paced a lot. My knuckles were badly bruised because I was punching at walls and windows when they were trying to bring me in. I remember a couple of nurses were trying to prevent me from doing all that. One particular female nurse, VB, was kind to me. It was that kindness that brought me round.

There was also another nurse on the ward who noticed I was slowly getting more agitated, and she talked me down and then drugged me further. That worked too.

Now I'm home, and trying to pick up the pieces. I had a peek into my work inbox and there are 155 emails waiting for me to deal with when I get back on Monday. Oh joy.

10 comments:

Disillusioned said...

Gentle hugs, if welcome and helpful. If not, please ignore.

Sorry you have had such a tough time of it. Hope you and V can talk more tomorrow and help you to put the pieces back together again. Go easy on yourself, and don't rush back to work until you are really ready for it.

Anonymous Drifter said...

Like Disillusioned said, don't go back to work until you feel you're really ready for it.

Jacqui said...

I'm so sorry you've been in hospital, Polar. I know how scary the locked wards can be. So horrible, I'm glad that you're home again.
I hope you aren't under too much pressure at work. Though you're supervisor sounds nice.
I worry too about 'spilling the beans' so it's funny you mention that. Sometimes I wish I could just gag myself...
Take care,
Jac xxx

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
I am sorry you got to the point where you needed to go to the hospital, but am glad you felt able to go there. Not to discount the annoying channel comanders and other stressors, but I notice in many ways your post talks of positive experiences with some of the staff while there. I am glad there were some good people to help you.
...hugs,
...aqua

Lola Snow said...

Sorry to hear that you have been unwell, but glad to hear that you are safe. I hope you are looking after yourself PB, please take care.

Lola x

Wandering Coyote said...

Oh, PB, I am so sorry to be reading this. It makes total sense that your parents' impending visit might have triggered a stress response in you. I know that when my mom announces a visit, I go all wonky.

I hope you are feeling better, and I wonder if you can't get some more time off to recover before going back to work? Seems a little soon to me.

Take care!

Jo said...

Polar Bear,

I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult experience. I wish all that pain and hurt would just go away and never come back. It seems so unfair that you're having to deal with such difficult emotions. As you work through all these issues, please know that you are so brave and have come through so much already. You are true hero and an elegant author. Yuki (Joanna)

Jo said...

Polar Bear,

I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult experience. I wish all that pain and hurt would just go away and never come back. It seems so unfair that you're having to deal with such difficult emotions. As you work through all these issues, please know that you are so brave and have come through so much already. You are true hero and an elegant author. Yuki (Joanna)

Polar Bear said...

@Disillusioned
Hugs always welcomed. Thanks :)

@AD
I wish I could wait till I'm ready - it'll take forever, ha ha.

@Jacqui
Yes, my manager is incredible. This isn't my first admission to hospital since I started working for her, so she's also been extremely patient with me.

@Aqua
The staff were really good. There were a couple of nurses who dont seem to care, but I struck lucky in that the nurses assigned to my care were all really really good.

@Lola
Thanks Lola for stopping by and reading still. I will try to be good to myself.

@WC
Thanks, WC. But yeah, I do have to go back to work. It's been extremely busy and I'm needed. I feel bad enough taking the entire week off when I was in hospital. But that couldnt have been helped.

@Jo
Thanks, Jo. I'm glad to hear from you.

Suzanne said...

I'm glad to hear you're OK. x The visit will be very stressful but I'm glad V will guide you through.