Monday, March 30, 2009

The parental units

I haven't seen them in 3 years. But that's not unusual. Years normally separate us, aside from geographically. All that space between us - the physical, the emotional, that's all quietly engineered, as things fall into place, as a response to everything I had grown up with. I believe that you reap what you sow - and as a consequence, the only 2 children they have are spread across the world, thousands of kilometers away. Yes, I believe you reap what you sow... and yet I realise how mean I am to be even thinking that.

My parental units arrive on Friday. They're here for 2 weeks. There is so much history they will bring with them. So much I have striven to move away from. I know they will bring with them all the baggage and all the pain. All that needless pain.


Wandering Coyote said...

Remember that you don't have to accept anything they give you. This was key when I was going through a learning curve in dealing with my mom. She has her stuff, and though she tries very hard to give it to me, I had to learn not to take it. Find a neutral place in your mind if/when they start dishing things out. Tell yourself "this isn't me" or "this doesn't have anything to do with me." Self talk your way through this. And take as many breaks as you need. If you need to get out on your own, just do it. Make sure you get your needs met.

Good luck!!

Aqua said...

Hi Polar Bear,
You do not sound mean for saying what you say. You sound like you have a clear understanding of what you need to protect yourself from. Make the visits short and leave anytime you feel the desire to. Be true to yourself. You are the most important person in your life. Thinking of you,

Disillusioned said...

Just wanted to say I empathise so much with what you wrote here. There's a distance between me and my parents too - and I prefer it that way but feel guilty too.

Anonymous Drifter said...

I get the exact same feeling when I have to visit with my siblings. Take care of you.

Suzanne said...

You know it's absolutely 100% OK to tell them to fuck off to a hotel if you want to!

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Family is always so confusing. You're supposed to like these people because society says we have to like our family.

But when you think about it we really don't have much in common with many in our families. There are some in my family that I would never choose to hang out with otherwise.

I hope things don't go bad. Just remember two weeks might seem long but thankfully you don't have to live 10 minutes away. And hopefully you won't have to see them again for another 3 years.

La-reve said...

Hoping the visit is not too traumatic particularly if you are feeling a little shaky today anyway. sending hug . lareve x

Loren Fay. said...

i call my parents the same thing..

ps. polar bear is my favorite animal.