Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Counting years

We live in two different worlds. I don't believe the chasm between us can ever be bridged. But it doesn't matter now. My folks are old. They are fragile now. They may have mellowed out, but they are the same inside. It hurts, every time I think about it, without really knowing why, perhaps not wanting to know why.

I've let go of the past, but I haven't truly healed. I'll be 36 next week and it would have taken me 19 years to undo all the thoughts and beliefs and twisted patterns of thinking ingrained into me for 17 years. We're all older, and we're all wiser. We all try to change for the better. But we still bleed, we still hurt. We still revert to what we know best.

I can be the bigger person. I can do all the work. But in the end, it's all just for me.

5 comments:

Wandering Coyote said...

I've been thinking about you and wondering how the visit went.

It is possible to move beyond the past. I've done it. It takes a lot of work and it's hard, but it IS possible.

Take care, my friend.

Borderline Lil said...

You can do the work. And it's because it's FOR you, BY you, that it's worth the effort. Been thinking about you PB xx

Anonymous Drifter said...

I was wondering how your visit with your parents went. I'm sorry you find it so stressful and the past is so hard to deal with.

butterflies said...

oF COURSE its for you Babe!
Its youre life and you are in control.
You had 17 yrs with them BUT 19 without them...remember that.
No you can never undo the damage.No-one can.But its powerful and wonderful when you realise that they cannot control you anymore.
They are old as you say,make up with them before its too late.
Healings always good.
Have a good easter:)

Stephany said...

all we can do is forge on and one day at a time :)