Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Me me me

Question 1 (from Suzanne)
What is your sexual orientation?
I believe I am straight, though it is hard to be sure as I have never had a relationship with either a male or a female before. I have been attracted to men and I do like to look at men I consider "cute".

Question 2 (from Wandering Coyote)
What is your profession?
I'm in the Info Tech area, but my speciality area is related to educational technologies.

Question 3 (from Eliza Jane)
How did you end up in New Zealand?
I've always heard about how beautiful NZ was, and when I got a work opportunity to relocate, I did. And yes, it is as beautiful as I imagined it would be.

Question 4 (From Eliza Jane)
How long did you live in Canada?
About 6 and a half years, almost 7 years.

Question 5 (From Eliza Jane)
What was your major in university? (I know that you said at one point that you studied creative writing at York University...)
My major was Computer Science, but I did take a first year creative writing course as my elective.

Question 6 (from Anonymous Drifter and Aqua)
Can you describe yourself physically?
I'm about 5 foot 2 inches (though sometimes I like to say I am 5 foot 2 AND A HALF), and I weigh about 115lbs. I'm a bit of a tomboy - so yes, Aqua, I do have short pixie like hair, but it's dark rather than brown. I have a narrow almost straight waist, no boobs and some people have said that I have a "runner's body" - whatever that is. Sometimes people say I have a "boyish" look.

Oh, and I am cursed with poor vision, so I wear glasses.

Question 7 (from Aqua)
For you, what are 3-5 things that have happened in your life that have/may have led to your having BPD?

a) I think a big one for me was the invalidating environment in which I grew up in. I don't think I was ever free to express my own feelings and be validated for it. Infact whatever I felt always felt like it was the "wrong" emotion, so after a while, I simply shut down and would refuse to show any emotion, pretending as if nothing could penetrate my wall and touch any of my emotions.

b) Also, growing up, I don't think I ever felt truly loved. And that, for me, was probably where all that emptiness inside of me began to widen. My parents never used the "L" word. Instead there were always harsh words, and nothing I did was ever good enough. My mother was the type of mother who, if I came home with an award, she would ask - so how many OTHER kids got an award?

It's funny, but as a kid, I remember reasoning with myself that my parents couldn't hate me - they were my parents after all, and of course they loved me. This was ME trying to convince MYSELF.

c)The environment I grew up in was highly stressful. My parents fought in front of us - constantly and brutally. They would not talk to each other for days. Sometimes my mother did the same thing to me - she gave me the silent treatment for angering her for just about anything.

I was never sexually abused, but emotionally, I think I was torn apart. There wasn't just one moment, or one event that triggered a mental breakdown, but I believe that for me, it was a gradual chipping away of my soul until one day there was just a large gaping wound there.

(Aqua, see your second question answered above)

Question 8 (from Aqua)
Tell me 10 things you love in this world, or in your life
1) Coffee
2) Trees (nature)
3) Running
4) Dogs - particularly Labradors, Golden Retrievers, Beagles
5) Road trips
6) Reading (or browsing a book shop)
7) Watching movies on my new HD TV!
8) Weekends
9) Reality TV (it's a bit embarrassing to admit this)
10) Sushi (California rolls are my favourite)

Thank you to everyone who submitted the questions - I'm waiting for 2 more questions!!


Wandering Coyote said...

Wow - we have a lot in common, especially when it comes to our childhoods. I would have described mine in exactly the same way, including why I think I have BPD (the invalidation etc.). You could very well be describing me. I also love the same dogs you do, and I love books & road trips.

This was cool, PB! Thanks!

BTW, you might want to change my link; I'm no longer using I'm Listening. I think I've pretty much let that one go.

Aqua said...

Wow...I love knowing more about you. What interesting responses. Thanks for sharing so much.

Hannah said...

What do you do that makes you feel really free and at ease?

Hann x

Suzanne said...

Reality TV! Bwahahahahahaha ;-)

Thank you for answering all the questions so honestly.

Anonymous Drifter said...

I had a very similar childhood.

Eliza Jane said...

I really liked the idea for that is interesting to learn more about you.

We like some of the same things: Coffee, nature, dogs (but I would add border collies to your list!), running, bookstores, sushi.

Sid said...

What are the top 3 triggers that have led to your past suicide attempts?

I'm currently exploring mine (stress is probably #1 for me), and since you're looking for questions, I thought I'd ask this of you.

sansanity said...

oh my gawd we are in the same field! (I'm late, finally catching up on my reading)