Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Taking the reins

Therapy went well today, although in the past few months I can see that we are slowly shifting in a different way. V has been trying to get me to take the reins a bit more and I've been uncomfortable with that. But there's something about the way she "sells" it to me which makes me want to do whatever it is to please her.

A few months ago I also thought she was trying to disengage herself a bit more, not just from taking a more directive role, but also from some sort of emotional disconnect. It appears I was wrong. She still validates me, and over the past few sessions I think I've managed to confirm to myself that we are still on the same team. And so maybe the real work can begin.

I'm supposed to come up with at least 3 situations over the course of the next week which trigger negative emotions. It could be anything, and we're supposed to talk about it. Sometimes though it's hard for me to justify coming up with anything because in the back of my mind I'm telling myself it's not a big deal. It's always hard raising something in therapy. I'm always thinking - is that what I need to talk about? I keep so much inside, locked in some kind of private vault. It's always been easy to let V do the driving, to let her pick up on how I'm feeling each time I see her (and she can be really good at that too).

I kinda like the idea of being able to talk about anything I want. It's not something I'm familiar with, or comfortable doing. But it's a new idea. I need to feel it out, I guess.

On other news, I think I injured my foot running again. Well, a different foot this time. That's why I have two, I guess - so I can mess both of them up. I'm really annoyed and hope it won't set me back on my running.

6 comments:

Ari said...

I hate when i'm expected to guide the therapy. I can't help but think, what am i paying you for! I think also i have some kind of inferiority complex. The therapist is the expert, what could little ole me know?

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog earlier. It really helps to have some support and validation.

Anonymous Drifter said...

My counselor always makes me do all the talking and directing of topics. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I wish she would take over for a change.

I hope you foot starts feeling better. I know how annoying foot pain can be and I don't even run.

Aqua said...

I am certain you will make a wonderful and powerful "guider" of your therapy. Sounds interesting and powerful. Can't wait to hear about howit goes.

Sorry to hear about the foot. I know how it feels because I too have hurt my foot...though sad to say due to my clutziness and not my running.

I slammed my baby toe into the bathroom doorframe and broke my little toe, exactly one week later (no lie), just as it was feeling better I did the exact same thing AGAIN and broke it AGAIN...in a different place. Needless to say I have been in pain for weeks now.

I hope your foot heals soon...I feel for you!
Hugs,
...aqua

Aqua said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
butterflies said...

I think its great how your therapy is going.
And its good to hear that V is encouraging you to lead.
Its the right time.

Hope the foot feels better..rest it over the weekend..looks like its going to be sunny! love ya

Sid said...

I think you've been with V long enough to take over the reins. I'm sure she won't let go completely until she's sure you're comfortable enough to be in the driver's seat.

I've had therapists in the past that expected me to lead from the beginning, because as they said "it's my therapy". I'd rather be led until I feel like I'm heading in the right direction, a point I've yet to reach with therapy.

Just take things slow. You can do this!