Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Bottom feeder

So much in my head at the moment. Words mostly. Jumbled thoughts. Jagged sentences. All in my head, shifting like sands in a desert. I see mirages sometimes - optical illusions which fool my brain.

I need a new brain. I need a brain that does not betray me, a brain that is not broken, a brain that does not haunt or taunt me, a brain that is not set to self destruct. Why can't we be friends?

I've reached the depths of this experience. All I do is bottom feeding. The darkness does not relinquish its captive. It does not hear the pleadings of a bottom feeder.

So much agony in this swirling world of pain.


Aqua said...

Hi PB,
I wish I could fly over to your place and give you a hug. You may feel like a bottom feeder, but I know inside you is a powerful polar bear...a beautiful creature at the top of the food chain.

Besides, (even if you were a bottom feeder), imagine how dirty the ocean would become if no bottom feeders existed.

We are each as important as the other, no matter who we are, what we are, how we are etc. You help people like me see we are not alone. I know for me on some days that's the only solice I have....hugs,

Harriet said...

I hope you and your brain can find some peace. I'm sorry for your agony, I wish there was something I could do.

Wandering Coyote said...

Oh, the times I have wished for a brain transplant, too! I so know what you're going through with that one. Hugs, PB!

butterflies said...

Brain transplant? good idea..
But what if we got someones brain who didnt like coffee? or wine??
or who hated riding!!
I think we should just be happy with the one we have,broken or not:)
Love ya xx

Borderline Lil said...

Oooh, those mirages. I can't stand 'em either. I can feel the agony in this post, PB, but also the melodic use of words which describes things so well. Thank you and take care my friend x

Sid said...

Sadly I can relate to this post all too well. I think my brain is terminally ill and my own worst enemy.